Posted by: eightweleve | December 12, 2009

on passion

(seeing how i am up with some nice acid reflux in the middle of the night, might as well post some of my recent thoughts online for the whole wide web to see…)

recently i have been thinking about passion; mostly about how i dont really have any. because my personality is pretty much the poster child for phlegmatic, there isnt too much that gets me excited. i am pretty chill most of the time; pretty even keel at all times. this works well for me, especially under pressure. and it is not that i am just some robot without feelings; i just happen to internalize them. a lot. i do have my moments. i get excited at sporting events occasionally. sometimes i can get worked up when i get going talking about something. but really, my only passion would be The Kingdom. and recently there hasn’t been a lot of passion flowing out of me in this area; just steady plodding.

i am not thinking that it is necessary to have passion all the time. again, with my personality, it wouldn’t work. i just noticed the other day that i do not have some overwhelming driving passion. there are some people whose passion is their profession. i have friends who own businesses that are a beautiful expression of their life’s passion. i watch movies directed by passionate people, acted by passionate people, which are scored by passionate people. i watch sports played by passionate people and followed by passionate fans. it seems as though i am almost surrounded by passion. i am in a community in norman and okc that is filled with passionately creative people. and here i am, most of the time…ho-hum.

i want to live with passion…at least, i think i do. of course, some passionate people maintain a lifestyle that is a unhealthy balance of self-centeredness. they can keep that passion. but there is something very attractive about a life lived with passion…especially in His Kingdom (ie. for the right things). i have started dialoging with the Lord about it, because the only real passion of eternal value is to share are His.  so that’s it really. no real conclusion at this point. i am merely documenting that i am beginning to be open to receiving His passion. i know i can’t manufacture it. it is something that has to be given, developed and cultivated entirely from Him. and it will take time. all i can do is place myself before Him as a son, and ask Him real simply to share His.

i want to live a life that matters. and if that is the case, then the only passion to have is His – because the only thing that matters is His pursuit of the hearts of men. even so, come Lord Jesus.

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Responses

  1. i’m reminded of a talk that ken gave about having zeal – not sure if you think passion & zeal are the same, but in my little book of definitions that i’ve gathered through my personal experience, i think they are. i bet that talk would encourage you – i want to say it was this past August?? not sure…


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